Lesson 4.3: Making Revisions


Home l Login

Prep and Tech

Technology: LCD projector, laptop, and Internet access
Other Materials: Loose-leaf paper

Lesson Visuals

Objectives

Students will learn strategies for revising their letters.
Students will peer edit each other’s letters and write their final drafts.

Focusing Question

How do you strengthen and revise your writing?

Mini Lesson

Making Revisions to Your Letter (10 min.)

Introduce the focusing question that guides this lesson. Connect this question to the previous lesson.
Explain to students that there are ways to improve their writing. Provide them with examples of common mistakes and ask them to make corrections.
Show students a paragraph with examples of poor research. Ask them to make revisions to the paragraph in front of the class.
Show students a paragraph that has several examples of grammatical errors and repetitive language. Ask them to make revisions to the paragraph in front of the class.

Preparing for Student Activity:

Distribute to students the corrected drafts of their speeches from the previous lesson. Inform students that they should focus on the corrections involving their research and writing.
Remind students to consider their audience, the members of the Athenian Assembly.

The focusing question for today is: How do you strengthen and revise your writing? In the previous lesson, we wrote the first draft of our four-paragraph speech. In this lesson we will write the second draft of our speech making sure it includes the four paragraphs- introduction, arguments “for” or “against” that you agree with, the other side of the issue, and a conclusion.

After writing our first drafts, there are ways to improve our speeches. We will focus on two major areas that require revision - our research and our writing structure.

Let’s look at some common mistakes and find ways to make our writing better. Let’s take a look at this paragraph and find ways to make the research stronger.

1. How could you strengthen this paragraph?
Sample Response: Instead of just writing my own opinion, I would provide examples from the perspective pages and include the names of the Athenians whose ideas I am quoting.

2. How can we use generalizations to make this argument more persuasive?
Sample Response: We could write, ‘Agi, like most poor workers, wants to build the Parthenon so more people will have jobs.’

Let’s take a look at this paragraph and find ways to improve the writing structure.

1. What mistakes do you notice in this paragraph?
Sample Response: There are spelling mistakes. The words common, lose, and consideration are mispelled. The paragraph is only one sentence long. It is a run-on sentence.

2. How could you make this paragraph more interesting?
Sample Response: I would quote directly from Pericles and I would be clearer about his opinion.

Here are your speeches. Keep in mind that the two areas that you can improve on in your speeches are research and writing. Some of you will have to improve your research and some of you will have to improve your writing.

Look at the notes I made on your drafts and make changes where necessary. Your speeches are what you will present to the Assembly.

Try your best to persuade the Assembly members to vote in favor of your positions. When you are making corrections to your speech, remember to consider your audience.

Now, you should begin writing your final drafts. Make sure you are using a new sheet of paper and remember to put the proper heading at the top.

Check your facts and spelling, have a strong introduction, and make sure that in your final draft your second paragraph includes at least three arguments. I'm proud of all the hard work you are doing and look forward to seeing your final results. Keep up the great work.

Student Activity

Completing the Speech (30 min.)

Ask students to begin writing their final drafts on appropriate paper with the appropriate school heading.
Provide students with individual help on their speeches by conferencing with them as needed. Give constructive help to students that had not finished their first draft in the previous lesson.
Collect final drafts.

Lesson Summary

How do you strengthen and revise your writing? (5 min.)

Ask students questions about how to strengthen and revise one's writing.
Ask students who made major revisions to their speeches to share with the class how they changed their writing. Ask other students to discuss how the changes improved their speeches.
Homework Activity: Explain to students that if they have not finished their final drafts in class, they should finish them for homework.
Note: Before the next class, students need to be switched from their research groups to affinity groups. Affinity groups should consist of between three and five students. Divide students into the following four affinity groups:

Those “for” the war against Sparta
Those “against” the war against Sparta
Those “for” building the Parthenon
Those “against” building the Parthenon

Place students in the appropriate affinity groups so that, as a group, they can adequately manage three facets of their assignment: writing, public speaking, and creating a PowerPoint presentation. If students with strengths in different areas are grouped together, it will increase their success in completing this project. Choose a group manager for each group. Make the group manager responsible for reporting to you on the progress of the group presentation in the next few lessons.

Assessment

Review the final draft of the speeches. Assess students’ understanding of how to strengthen and revise their writing.